


I'm here if you need me

by Kei_Tea



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Yaoi, some smut in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-11 16:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17450303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kei_Tea/pseuds/Kei_Tea
Summary: Yuto is feeling sad since Keito left for New York and Yamada noticed that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Chinen Yuri, Chi.  
> Takaki Yuya.  
> Inoo Kei.  
> Arioka Daiki, Dai-chan.  
> Yabu Kota,  
> Yaotome Hikaru, Hika.

I'm here if you need me.

\- Hey, Yutti, are you ok ?

Yamada sat down next to his fellow member on the couch of their green room.

\- Yes, I'm just a little bit tired with the rehearsals, and I still haven't caught up all my sleep from the drama shooting, but I'm ok. The taller man answered.

 

But the long sigh he left out betrayed him.

\- Alright, if you say so …

 

They stayed silent for a few minutes before Yuto took his phone out and stared at the screen for a moment. He let out another long sigh.

\- What is it ? Asked Yamada.

\- It's … I was just …. Well you know, it's only 3am in New York.

 

Yamada rolled his eyes.

\- And ?

\- I was thinking of calling Keito but …. I don't want to wake him up in the middle of the night …

\- Just send him a message and he'll answer you when he’ll wake up. Suggested Yamada.

 

Yuto paused for a moment.

\- Yeah I could do that but …, he turned to face Yamada, I wanted to hear his voice….

 

He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. Yamada turned a bit to face him and said:

\- You miss him ?

\- Terribly…

 

Yuto kept his eyes shut.

\- Well, you know, he made this choice, it was hard for him too, but he wants to do what he thinks is best for the group. 2 years might seem like a long time, but I'm sure it will go faster than we think.

\- Yeah, but still …

\- You want to talk about it ?

 

The taller man turned his head to look at Yamada.

\- You're not going to laugh?

Yamada put his hand on his heart.

\- I swear I won't !

Yuto barely smiled, sighed and then started to talk, his voice low, like coming from the back of his throat.

\- I miss him as a whole, his presence, his smile, his laugher, his clumsiness. I miss talking to him, playing music with him. In fact I just miss being with him. I want him to do what he thinks is the best, but at the same time I'm worried… worried that things might changed when he comes back, worried that maybe he won't come back at all ! What if we don't get along anymore ? What if he wants something different after that ?

 

Yamada put his hand on his friend's shoulder as his voice began to sound shaky.

\- Hey, hey, Yutti calm down… I think that … well, I miss Keito too, he is a good friend, and this is why I trust him. He will definitely come back and he will amaze us with his new skills ! Well it feels strange to say that but, I'm looking forward to it !

 

Yuto gave a faint smile to his friend.

\- Thank you Ryosuke, it's… hard talking about this, and I've been keeping everything inside of me for too long I think...

\- You know you can talk to me or the others when something like this is bothering you.

\- Yeah, but… I can't talk to everyone about this kind of things… Some of them won't get it… And I don't want to bother them with my feelings.

\- You know, I think we all miss Keito in our own way, but it must be more difficult for you, since you too were very close.

 

Yuto shook his head at this statement.

\- But you know Yutti…,continued Yamada in a whispery voice, If I can do anything to help you feel better or at least less alone then I'll be happy to do it. Because… I don't like seeing you sad like this, I like the smiling and laughing Yutti better.

 

Yuto glanced at him, Yamada was being nice to him, he had listened to him and he had reassured him. Just like Keito would have done in a similar situation. But he was not Keito, and their relationship had been complicated in the past, fighting over the center position. But now they were good friends, their rivalry had motivated them to give their best. But still, somehow, Yuto had always felt attracted to Ryosuke, more like fascinated. By his charisma and his impeccable idol image. He respected him, for being such a workaholic and for always being so professional when it came to their job.

Yuto noticed he had been looking at Yamada for a few minutes and it was starting to be awkward, so he lowered his eyes and stared at his knees. He shuddered when he felt soft fingers brushing away a emerging tear from his eyes. Yuto looked at his friend with surprise, but Yamada wasn’t looking at him in the eyes, his stare seemed unfocused. And he whispered, as he started leaning over the taller boy:

\- Please Yutti…. It hurts seeing you cry …

 

He then dropped a soft kiss on Yuto’s lips, brief, but full of meaning. But Yamada wasn’t expecting Yuto from backing away. The look in his eyes was a mix of surprise and shock, he slowly brought his hand to his own lips, the skin a bit hot from the previous proof of affection, he drew his stare back to Yamada’s face, who had an hesitant look in his eyes.

\- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have …. I didn't want to make you feel uneasy, you were opening your feelings up to me, and I just managed to make you more upset, sorry Yutti.

 

He moved as to get up, but Yuto prevented him to by catching the sleeve of his sweater.

\- Please stay…. I just, I think I just need time to assimilate what just happened…

 

He smiled shyly. Yamada sighed and sat back next to him, he put his hand on Yuto’s thigh and looked at him, a small smile on his face.

\- And I'm ready to give you all the time you need, Yutti.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Chinen Yuri, Chi.  
> Takaki Yuya.  
> Inoo Kei.  
> Arioka Daiki, Dai-chan.  
> Yabu Kota,  
> Yaotome Hikaru, Hika.

The days following the unexpected kiss were strange, Yuto felt awkward whenever Yamada was near him, he tried to act as nothing ever happened and he was thankful that Yamada wasn't putting any pressure on his shoulders, he was just acting like usual, which made things easier for Yuto. But still, it was awkward. Sure he felt bad for Keito, being kissed by Yamada just after confessing that he had feelings for him, it felt like a betrayal for the tall guy. But the kiss didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. It was unexpected, for sure, but not unpleasant...

Yuto shook his head quickly as the memory of this intimate moment crossed his mind. He could feel he was blushing, and he tried to hide it by readjusting the collar of his sweater.

\- Something's wrong Yuto ? Asked Yabu, a little concerned, you're quite red.

\- I'm ok, it's just a little bit hot in here. Yuto lied with a smile.

\- Hey, I got a text from Keito yesterday, announced Chinen suddenly.

If Yuto had been drinking, he would have spit his beverage all over the floor. He tried to look normal, but his heart was racing, and it wasn't helping the blush to disappear from his cheeks.

\- Oi! He hasn't contacted me for months! Grumbled Hikaru while standing up.

\- Have you tried contacting him first ? Asked Chinen, I'm sure he's scared to bother you if he initiates the conversation.

\- I'm not contacting him first! I'm his senpai afterall.

\- Here comes the senpai complex again... sighed Yabu.

They all bursted into laughter, meanwhile, a member of the staff came to announce them that the shooting for their Itajan segment was about to start. Yuto meant to get out of the room when Yamada prevented him to, by standing in the door frame. Yuto froze when Yamada's hand slowly approached his face, but he was aiming for his hair.

\- You had a small feather in your hair, explained Yamada, must be coming from your feather stuffed coat.

He smiled. Yuto felt the blood rushing to his cheeks again, he mumbled a small "thank you" and quickly followed Yamada to the studio. The make up artist had to work on Yuto's face to make him look less like a tomato, which brought him some remarks from Daiki and Inoo.

At the end of the day, Yuto went home, exhausted, he threw his bag across the room and fell onto the sofa. He nearly fell asleep when his phone suddenly rang, making him get up in a hurry and reaching for his bag at the other end of the room, looking for his phone. His heart pounded loudly in his chest as he read the name of the caller: " Okamoto Keito". He picked up the phone and approached it slowly to his ear. His mouth went dry as he asked:

\- Hello?

\- Hi Yuto ! How are you? Asked a joyful voice coming from the little device, I hope I'm not disturbing you ? You weren't already asleep I hope...

Of course he was disturbing him! But not as he meant it.

\- No... no, of course not Keito, I'm always happy to hear from you, and you know that!

\- Haha, thanks, I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier... but I'm very busy with all my classes and I have to work hard... my English is not perfect so I have some difficulties sometimes with some vocabulary and such...

\- A blank.

\- Ah, I'm sorry, I talk too much...

\- No, not at all!

They continued their conversation a little more, Yuto informing Keito about JUMP's recent works and Keito describing how life in New York was like. After a pause, Keito sighed:

\- Ah, I miss you guys, and being on stage, the 9 of us, I miss that too...

\- We miss you too Keito... We all do, even if some don't admit it... ah, Hikaru was angry that you still haven't texted him.

\- Well,... I'll... I'll do it...

\- I think it would be more scary NOT to do it haha!

They laughed together. Then a new silence settled between them. Yuto took a deep breath and said quietly.

\- I miss you Keito... very much...

A new blank, Yuto shivered, maybe he had just fucked up. Many thoughts started running through his mind, he wanted to say it was a joke, or add something so that his "confession" would look less like a "confession" but he was stopped by Keito's voice:

\- I miss you too Yuto... I didn't realised that 2 years away would be so...

So what? Long? Hard? Lonely? So what? Yuto wanted to know, was Keito missing him as much as him?

\- Ah, sorry Yuto, I have to hang up, class is going to start any moment now. I'll try to call you back soon, there are so many more things I want to tell you about!

\- Me too... whispered Yuto

\- What? Sorry I didn't hear you.

\- No, it's nothing don't worry, I'll wait for your call, enjoy your day...

\- Thanks Yuto you too... ah no, he paused, I should greet you goodnight, it's night time in Japan isn't it? So goodnight, have nice dreams, bye!

\- Bye Keito.

Yuto kept his phone against his ear, even though there was no more sound coming from it. He left out a long sigh, before putting the phone away on the small living room table.

\- Yosh, next time he calls... I'll confess my feelings properly! Yuto promised himself out loud.

 

The next day, when Hey!Say!JUMP gathered for rehearsal purpose, Yuto was gloomy, Chinen worked hard all morning to make him laugh and smile, and he managed to do so a few times. During a break, they sat next to each other and Yamada approached them and sat down next to Chinen. Yuto wasn't feeling so weird anymore about Yamada's presence, as his head was full of -how am I going to confess my love to Keito- scenario and it prevented him from thinking about anything else.

\- It's my day off tomorrow. Said Chinen

\- For me too, answered Yamada

\- We should go eat somewhere together, Chinen turned to Yuto, you're off too tomorrow, aren't you?

Yuto nodded.

\- We have a deal then! The 3 of us are going out to eat tomorrow! Lunchtime? Ok?

Yamada and Yuto nodded. Yuto needed this kind of distraction, moreover, lunchtime was perfect, like this, he would be home when or let's say if Keito were to call him before going to class. Perfect, he didn't want to risk to have to postpone his declaration of love any further.

So, as promised, the next day, Yuto met Chinen and Yamada in a small restaurant that Chinen had heard about from one of his friends. Yuto and Yamada ended sitting next to each other, which surprised Yuto at first. The meal went well, they talked a lot about trivial things, and they had fun, Yuto felt at ease. It reminded him of how much he enjoyed spending times with his Hey!Say!7 buddies. But he couldn't help noticing that Yamada was being more tactile with him, he would touch his arm every time he would ask for his opinion, he even fed Yuto with some of his food to have him taste it.

\- Haha, you two look like a lovey-dovey couple acting like this, Chinen remarked.

\- I can feed you too Yuri if you want, offered Yamada with a mocking smile

\- Na, that's ok, I can eat by myself, answered Chinen before stuffing food in his mouth.

\- Ok, then Yutti, do you want to taste this? Asked Yamada, approaching his chopsticks from his neighbour.

Yuto opened his mouth like a child being fed by his mother, making a "aaaah" sound. His face brightened as he munched the delicious food joyfully.

\- Hummmmm it's yummy Yama-chan!

\- Haha, you're so cute Yutti!

Their eyes met, and they blushed, both embarrassed by the situation. Chinen stared at them.

\- Waow, did I miss something guys?

\- Are you jealous Chinen-chan? Asked Yamada with a mischievous smile

\- Haha, no, but you two look .... Close? I wish Keito was there so I won't feel like the 5th wheel of the car!

At the mention of Keito's name, Yuto's smile disappeared from his face, and he became gloomy. Why was that? He had almost forgot that he missed him... he was having fun, he was enjoying his time with his friends, but now he felt lonely.

\- I wish he was there too... he whispered.

Chinen managed to lighten the atmosphere a little after that. But Yuto was still rather gloomy.

After eating at the restaurant, they went shopping for a few hours, and at the end of the afternoon, Yamada offered to go somewhere else to have a drink, but Chinen refused, pretexting he was tired and that he had stuffs to do at home and that he had to get up early the next morning, in fact, he just didn't want to come. So Yamada and Yuto went together, Yuto willing to drink a lot to forget about how sad he felt, again. They walked for a few minutes and settled in a small bar. They had just ordered 2 beers when Yuto's phone rang. He glimpsed at the screen and froze. Yamada noticed and discreetly glanced at his friend's phone, he left out a small sigh as he read "Okamoto Keito". Yuto apologised:

\- Sorry, I've got to answer...

\- Go, I'll wait, answered Yamada with a smile, tell him I say "Hi".

Yuto nodded and exited the bar, he sat on a bench in the park in front of it, and finally picked up.

\- Keito?

\- Hi Yuto? How are you? Answered a cheerful voice.

\- Fine, I was having a drink with Ryosuke, he says "hi".

\- Ah, it's nice of him, tell him I said "hi" too, I'll try to text him soon! You're not working today?

\- No, it was our day off.

\- Ah, nice!

Yuto could hear some noise behind Keito.

\- So, what are you doing Keito?

\- Ah, right now I'm at a party with some friends, it's crazy! Americans don't party like we Japanese people do!

\- I'm happy to hear you're having fun...

Yuto couldn't hide his feelings any longer.

\- Yuto, are you ok? Asked Keito, concerned.

\- Yeah, it's just...

Yuto was cut by a girly voice coming from the other end of the phone.

\- Keitooooo come dance with me~~! I'm feeling lonely without you....

Yuto froze. He heard Keito's voice answering the girl, but he couldn't make out the meaning of it.

\- Sorry for that Yuto, what were you saying? Resumed Keito

\- Who was that? Asked Yuto, almost in a harsh tone.

\- It's Lara, my girlfriend, she comes from France but she's studying in America, like me, we're in the same class. We've been dating for 2 months now.

Yuto's world collapsed. Keito's.... Girlfriend?.... GIRLfriend?! He felt sick, trying to register the information his brain was trying to deny. No, it couldn't be, Keito was his.... His what again? Co-worker... fellow member.... Friend... maybe even Best friend... but, boy.... Boyfriend? No...

He had just realised something, and it struck him like a wall of bricks. He had never really known if.... If Keito actually liked him... well, of course he liked him, but did he love him? Did he love him as much as Yuto did? Certainly not... And it suddenly hit him in the face, was Keito actually gay? He had never thought about that, to him it was unquestionable that he was, because... No... In fact he didn't know, as he never confessed his feelings to him... And now, it was painful, terribly painful, and it was only his fault, because he made up a scenario in his head, a scenario in which he was in love with Keito, and that Keito loved him back.

\- Yuto? Hey Yuto? Are you still there?

Yuto didn't know how, but he managed to answer before his tears started to roll down his cheeks.

\- Sorry, I have to hang up... bye.

\- Oh, ok, then we'll talk later! I'm happy to have heard from you Yuto, I miss your company! Bye

This last sentence was more than what Yuto's heart was able to handle, and he finally bursted into tears. He buried his face in his hands and abandoned himself to despair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.

Yuto didn’t remember how long he stayed crying on that bench, but it must have been quite long because Yamada came out from the bar, looking for him. As soon as he noticed Yuto’s state, he ran toward him and kneeled at his feet, taking his friend’s hands in his.

\- Yuto! Yuto! Are you alright? What happened? Asked Yamada, concerned, I was worried because you weren’t coming back, what happened? Tell me…  
\- Yama-chan… started Yuto, sobbing, I think I’ve never felt so miserable in my whole life…

His body shook as a new wave of sobs took over him.

\- Hey, hey, calm down, tell me what happened, is there anything I can do for you?  
Yamada was trying to stay calm, but he was upset by how despaired Yuto looked. Yuto kept on crying. Then it struck Yamada why Yuto left the bar in the first place.

\- Did something happen with Keito?

Yuto buried his face even deeper in his lap and started to cry louder. Yamada understood that something must have happened between the two of them during their phone call. He squeezed the taller guy’s hands tighter, and whispered:

\- Do you want me to take you home, Yutti?

Yuto slowly stopped crying and shook his head, he then rose his face a little from his lap but didn’t look up as he answered:

\- No, I don’t want to go home now, I, more than ever need a drink.

Yamada nodded and smiled a little, he stood up without letting go of Yuto’s hands, he put him on his feet and brought him back to the bar where they sat in front of each other. Hopefully for them, the bar was empty as it was still quite early in the evening. Their beer were already waiting for them on the table, Yuto drank it all in one gulp and immediately asked the bartender for another one. Yamada silently watched him binge drinking his beers while he only drank one or two swallows of his. After 4 other beers, Yuto loudly put his empty glass on the table and asked for a sixth, but this time, he didn’t drink it at once. Instead, he watched his reflection in the yellowish liquid and played with his glass. After a few minutes, he led his eyes up to look at his friend, as if he remembered that he was there the entire time.

\- I just got turned down…

Yamada’s eyes widened.

\- What… what do you mean?

Yuto sighed longly.

\- I was just about to confess to Keito and…, he sighed again and this time he took two swallows of his beer, He just announced me, the most natural way in the world, that he fucking had a GIRLfriend!

He insisted on the “girl”.

\- Oh, I’m sorry Yutti…

Yuto snorted.

\- Hum, thanks… I’m sorry too, I’ve been so stupid! Why have I not noticed THAT before?!  
\- What do you mean by “that”?  
\- That he preferred girls!

Yamada nodded, Yuto went on:

\- I think I misinterpreted something, I must have taken strong friendship for love… I’m SO STUPID!

He messed up his hair with his right hand, the other holding on to the glass of beer.

\- You’re not stupid Yutti, said Yamada caressing his friend’s hand that was on the glass, you’re not stupid at all, you’re just…  
\- Just what? Crazy…?  
\- No, you’re just in love…

Yuto straightened at this statement, Yamada was right, he had been blinded by his own feelings for Keito and he had been 100% sure that Keito loved him the way he did.

\- I should have known that he wasn’t gay…  
\- Yutti, you couldn’t have known, I didn’t know you were until you told me you loved Keito the other day… 

He went on explaining that with their job, as they always have to be careful about their private relationships, it was hard to know who was dating who, and that even if they had been a group for more than 10 years now, there were still some things that they didn’t know about each others. Especially when there were 9 members to deal with…

\- I felt relieved the other day when you talked to me about your feelings for Keito, because I learnt that we were similar… That’s why I… That’s why I kissed you…

Yuto blushed, but at this point, he didn’t know if it was because he was drunk or because he felt embarrassed.

Yamada stayed at the bar with Yuto until late at night, until the heartbroken guy decided that he had drunk enough to calm down, his friend then offered to accompany him home, afraid to let the tall guy go home alone completely drunk. He had a hard time bringing Yuto home, the taller nearly putting all his weight on Yamada’s shoulder. Hopefully, the bar wasn’t very far away from Yuto’s apartment and they didn’t meet many people in the street. Yuto nearly fell asleep in the elevator and Yamada had to shake him so that he would walk to his door. It took him a huge amount of time to find his keys and when he finally opened the door, he quickly took off his shoes before holding himself to the wall to prevent from falling on the floor.

\- Wait Yutti, I’m going to help you to your bed… said Yamada while helping his friend to stand up.

Yuto grumbled but he followed his friend step until his bed, Yamada wanted to make Yuto sit on the bed, but he was taken aback when Yuto almost jumped in his bed, Yamada still supporting him. As a result, they both ended lying on Yuto’s big bed.

\- Sorry… mumbled Yuto.

Yamada let out a small laughter before adjusting his position so he was no longer half over Yuto.

\- I should go now… whispered Yamada, uneasy at the fact that he was in Yuto’s bedroom.

He gestured to get up, but Yuto caught his sleeve.

\- Stay… please… He mumbled, his face in his pillow. I don’t want to stay alone…  
\- Yeah but…  
\- Just talk to me until I go to sleep… then you can go…

Yamada smiled, Yuto was dead drunk but he was still cute. So he sat up, his back on the headboard, meanwhile, Yuto had adjusted his position, he still had his face buried in his pillow, but now he was at a right angle and he had his head turned to Yamada.

\- Switch off the light please… Yuto mumbled, it’s too bright and my eyes hurt…  
\- But your eyes are closed, remarked Yamada  
\- But I see the light through my eyelids… Please Yama-chan…

Yuto begged him and put his hand on his friend’s thigh. Yamada reached for the switch next to the bed and turned the light off. Only the moonlight was lightening the room through the big French window, Yamada let his eyes wander around the room, he had never been in Yuto’s bedroom, in the other rooms he had, when he would come to play games with the others, but never to his bedroom, and he was trying to remember every little detail he would spot that night, it was Yuto’s intimate place, and it made Yamada happy to be there. He was drawn back to reality when he felt a little squeeze on his thigh.

\- Yama-chaaaan………. Growled Yuto, talk to me…..  
\- What do you want me to talk about?  
\- Anything… just talk…

A smile crossed Yamada’s face, Yuto was cute. He started by talking about some things he did with his family some days ago, and that he had been chosen to act in a new movie, so that he had work to do. He talked about some things he saw on TV, in variety shows or in the news. Yuto would sometimes snort or giggle in reaction to Yamada’s words. Yamada could see a small smile appearing and disappearing from his face sometimes, and he liked that. He was about to continue by talking about his project for the next week-end, but Yuto interrupted him.

\- Why me?

Yamada straightened.

\- What do you mean?

Yuto raised his face from his pillow and looked at Yamada, his eyes still half closed due to the alcohol and to the sleepiness, he continued:

\- Why do you like me Yama-chan?

Yamada was thankful that the room was dark, so that Yuto won’t notice the blush coming to his cheeks. 

\- We used to be rivals… remember? Added Yuto, so I’m wondering why you like me…  
\- It’s true that we had a complicated relationship before…, started Yamada, fighting over the central position in the group… It was hard for the both of us.

Yuto nodded.

\- But I’ve never hated you, Yutti… On the contrary, I’ve always admired you… Maybe… maybe I was jealous of you, I don’t know…  
\- You’re a better singer than I am…  
\- Haha, that’s not the point here…  
\- What is it then?  
\- I think I’ve felt attracted to you for a long time, confessed Yamada, I didn’t know what kind of feeling it was until some years ago… I realised that what I felt was… Well, I think I wasn’t nice with you because I liked you but I didn’t know if you were… You know… If you were gay… So I felt frustrated, because I didn’t know how to bring the subject. And that’s why I would sometimes give you the cold shoulder… because I was sad and frustrated. But the truth was…

He paused then inhaled slowly before adding:

\- The truth is I loved you Yutti… and I still do now…

He turned his head to gauge Yuto’s reaction, the taller guy was softly snoring, deeply asleep.

\- What’s that?! Softly complained Yamada, falling asleep while I’m confessing to you!

He watched Yuto sleep for a few minutes, he couldn’t help but smile at this cute and calm view. Yuto finally looked peaceful after everything that happened to him that day. Yamada slowly leaned toward the sleeping figure, and dropped a soft kiss on his hair.

\- Good night Yutti… sleep well…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.

“The truth is I loved you Yutti… and I still do now…”

Hum? Yuto was woken up by the sun on his face. He grumbled and turned his head to the opposite direction. He tried to open his eyes but a powerful headache made him blink several times before he managed to figure out where he was. He turned over on his back and sat up in his bed. He didn't quite remember what happened. He recalled drinking too much in the bar but he didn't remember how he got home and how he ended up in his bed. He turned to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand, it was already quite late in the morning. He hovered his hand over the nightstand, but his phone wasn't there. He grunted as he realised that he had no choice but to get up. Yuto got up with difficulty, he crossed the bedroom, a hand on his forehead, the other holding on to every wall that came at hand to support him. He found his phone on the kitchen counter, next to it were a glass of water and a box of medicine. Someone must have prepared them for him. He took some and groggily walked to the sofa, where he heavily sat. he let his head hit the back of the couch and closed his eyes for a few minutes. He managed to fall asleep for nearly an hour, when he woke up, his neck hurt because of the strange position he fell asleep in. He grumbled and straightened up, he looked at the empty glass on the living room table and considered taking another pill, but then, he noticed a small note stuck under the glass. He took it and blinked a few times to figure out what was written on it :”Take this and get well soon!! Yamada”. Yuto smiled, but then it became crystal clear, it was Yamada who took him home last night and he even bought him some medicine. But he didn’t remember if anything else happened. Without really thinking about it, he took his phone and composed Yamada’s number, after a few rings, his friend answered:

\- Yutti? said a concerned voice  
\- Hello Yama-chan....

Yuto was surprised by how husky his own voice sounded.

\- Did you just wake up? You sound awful, laughed Yamada.

Yuto giggled but the action made his headache worst, he hissed in pain.

\- Are you ok?  
\- Hum yes… just a terrible hangover…  
\- Did you take the medicine I bought you?  
\- Yeah… Thanks by the way… I’m sorry I was such a mess…  
\- Hum, don’t worry about that, I was happy to take care of you.  
\- I must have told you so many nonsense…  
\- Hum, not really, don’t worry.

An awkward silence settled between them.

\- In fact I don’t remember much… started Yuto, Did I… miss anything?  
\- Hum, no, I just took you home, and put you in bed, nothing special… lied Yamada  
\- Ha, ok… I just feel like I forgot something…  
\- Don’t worry Yutti, you should just rest for now.

Yamada was about to hang up when Yuto continued.

\- I know I’m being childish but… he paused, could you come over? I don’t feel like staying alone…

A new silence, Yamada was surprised at his friend’s sudden request.

\- I’m sorry, I’m asking too much from you Yama-chan, just forget about this…  
\- No, no, it’s ok, I’m just surprised, are you sure you want me to come over? Do you want me to bring you something to eat?

Yuto finally decided that he would be glad to eat ramen. So Yamada told him he would come over around lunchtime.  
Yuto decided he had to take a shower and to change his clothes as he was still wearing his outfit from the day before. He struggled to get up and went to his room to take a pair of sweatpants and a not-too-worn-out t-shirt that he kept for when he was staying at home. He dragged himself to the bathroom, stripped down while trying hard not to fall on the floor and entered the shower. He let the hot water run down his sore body, and even let his head bent forward to feel the water pressure massaged the back of his head. He sighed, the action nearly making his headache disappear. He then proceed to wash his hair and then took a proper shower. He exited the bathroom, wearing his stay-at-home clothes and drying his hair with a towel when he heard a knock on the door. Yamada had just arrived, holding a bag with ramen inside and another with god-knows-what in it. Yuto opened the door, trying to look fresh and energetic but Yamada was no fool.

\- Are you sure you slept? You look like a vampire…  
\- Thank you Yama-chan, I’m happy to see you too, said Yuto ironically. 

Yamada answered with a smile.

\- I brought ramen, as you asked, and, he raised the other bag, 5 or 6 movies, because I don't think you're able to do anything else than lie down on the couch watching TV.

Yuto, whispered a thank you and went on drying his hair. 

\- Just go sit down, I'll take care of everything, informed Yamada.

Yuto nodded, still too groggy to complain, and followed Yamada’s request. His friend handed him the bag with the dvds, asking him to choose whichever one he wanted and that he'll turned it on after preparing the bowls. Yuto decided to watch an American romantic comedy, just because it won't request him too much reflection. And in his current state, he was not ready to think too much. Yamada came back from the kitchen, putting the meals on the small table before putting the DVD on. He then sat next to Yuto and put 2 pills in his hand and went to fill his empty glass of water.

\- You can take 2 more now, as you took one few hours ago already, and your headache doesn't seem to calm down.  
Thanks Yama-chan.

Indeed, Yuto’s headache was still pounding in his head, and he was feeling really sleepy, but he didn't want to sleep, and even more,he didn't want to stay alone at home. 

After they ate their lunch, Yamada sat comfortably on the couch but he noticed that Yuto had troubles finding a position which would allow him to rest properly.

\- You can use me if you want. Proposed Yamada

Yuto gave him a questioning look, not really knowing how to deal with this information. Yamada quickly clarified his statement.

\- I mean as a pillow, you can use my shoulder or whatever suits you.

Yuto considered this option for a few seconds before lying down on his side, dropping off his head on Yamada’s lap. The smaller guy was taken aback but he let his friend do what he wanted and crossed his arms behind his head, not really knowing where else to put them. He was happy that Yuto was showing him some affection, but at the same time, didn’t want to rush him. He felt uneasy and thought about saying something to break the ice. He made sure his friend hadn’t fallen asleep and said:

\- You look better, Yutti.

Yuto turned his head a little but didn’t answer. So his friend went on:

\- I mean, of course you have a hangover and you look like you haven’t slept for ages, but you look better than yesterday…  
\- I think crying helped me feel better…

Yamada regretted what he said as it must have recalled Yuto of his recent heartache.

\- Sorry, Yutti…  
\- I still have a headache though… 

He said it quietly, readjusting the position of his head on the smaller man’s lap, rubbing his cheeks slowly several times against his thigh. Yamada’s lips curled up in a small smile, he lowered his hands and softly put the left one on Yuto’s hair and he started to fondle it. His hair was still a little wet from the previous shower, and Yamada could smell the pleasant perfume of his shampoo. Yuto moaned a little and then let out a long sigh. The sensation on his head feeling nice and relieving. They felt in a comfortable silence, Yamada progressively starting to play with some strands of hair, winding them with his fingers. After some times, he heard some sobbing sounds coming from his tall friend, one of his hand slowly reaching for his face to discreetly wipe away his tears. Yamada kept caressing Yuto’s head, but this time in a more manifest way as to show his friend that he was there for him. Yuto slowly approached one of his hand to Yamada’s busy one, trying to catch it. Yamada helped his friend by sliding his hand inside his, intertwining their fingers together, Yuto clinging tightly as if letting go would make Yamada disappear. With his left hand being busy cradling Yuto’s one, Yamada led his right hand to restart caressing his tall friend’s hair.

Yuto eventually calmed down after a moment. They stayed silent, none of them really paying attention to the movie that was still playing on the TV screen, they didn’t mind because it was giving a less awkward atmosphere to the room. Yamada felt guilty for making Yuto cry. He wanted to apology in some way, but he couldn’t find what to say or what to do. He just continued holding Yuto’s hand and fondling his hair until the film ended. None of them wanted to move, but the TV automatically switched to some variety show. Yamada thought that, maybe, it would help Yuto feel better, but his friend kept being silent. After a few minutes, Yuto started to slowly let go of Yamada’s hand, then, he sat up on the couch, yawning, he stretched his arms while saying:

\- I’m going to make us some tea.

Yamada stood up at once:

\- No, let me do it, just rest a little more!

Yuto didn’t look at him but stood up too and went to the kitchen.

\- It’s ok Yama-chan, my headache is gone. I’ll take care of the tea.

He prepared two cups of tea, and brought them to the living-room. They drank it silently. Yamada stayed until it became dark outside he checked if Yuto didn’t need anything and if he felt better and told him he had to leave because they had to wake up early the next morning for work. Yuto accompanied him to the door.

\- Thank you again Yama-chan, I’m sorry I monopolised you almost all day…  
\- Don’t worry Yutti, it’s ok, I… I was happy to spend time with you, even if… Well, I’m sorry I made you cry earlier… I didn’t mean to...  
\- No, it’s okay, thank you Yama-chan…

Yuto leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on the smaller guy’s cheek.

\- Be careful on your way home…

Yamada widened his eyes and smiled, he nodded and waved at Yuto.

\- Good night Yutti, sleep well…

Yuto nodded back and slowly closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.

Yuto didn't make it to work the next day, he was still feeling a little sick. He spent his day in bed, browsing his phone, or on the sofa, watching whatever was broadcasted on TV. He got a text from Yamada a little before lunchtime, who was worried about him.

“Hi, Yutti, I hope you're fine, do you need something?”

But Yuto didn't answer, he wasn't sure if he wanted to see anyone that day. He went to the kitchen, opened the fridge several times to check what was in it, as if something would appear between two door openings. He sat back down on the sofa, when his phone rang, he slowly checked the name of the person calling and froze “Okamoto Keito”. He stared at the screen for some time, not sure what to do. But he was certain of something, he wasn't ready to hear Keito's voice for the moment.The ringtone stopped, good, he wouldn't have to think about answering or not. He put his phone back on the table, but it vibrates 2 minutes later. A text, from Keito, asking Yuto how he was and that he would call him later. If he hadn't spent the last 48 hours crying, he would have cried again, but there were no more tears to be shed. He stood up, made a cup of coffee. He was not hungry even if his last meal dated back from 24 hours, his ramen with Yamada. Yamada… he considered answering his message, but he didn't know what to answer. He wasn't fine, and what he needed? He wanted to say “I need Keito to love me back” but that was completely childish. Maybe one day he would get better,maybe one day it would hurt less. But for the moment, it hurted, it was painful. Yuto wasn't someone to lament, but he felt depressed, he had tried to cheer up, but he thought it was too early. Maybe he needed time.

He spent the rest of the day as he had spent the morning, doing nothing. But at the end of the day, as he was considering eating at least a bowl of rice, he heard a frantic knock on the door. He slowly aimed for the handle and opened. Yamada entered hastily.

\- Yutti?! Are you alright?!

 

Yuto was taken aback by Yamada’s obvious state of panic.

\- Yeah… yeah… I'm ok, I guess.

 

Yamada approached him and tightly held Yuto in his arms.

\- Thank God! I was so worried because you didn't answer my text!

 

He buried his face in his friend’s chest.

\- I’m… I'm sorry I made you worry, I should have answered you, I just… didn't know what to say…

 

Yamada let go of the tall guy.

\- At least you could have told me that you were still breathing, Idiot! Look at you, you look like a zombie! Have you eaten something today?

 

Yuto shook his head, almost ashamed, like a child being scolded by his mother. Yamada sighed in annoyance. He took Yuto’s hand and led him to the living room.

\- Come on, sit down, I'm going to cook you something.

 

Yuto sat on the couch and watched his friend busy himself in the kitchen. Somehow, watching Yamada cook for him made him recover his appetite.

\- You don't have much left in your fridge so I'm making something simple, explained Yamada while turning on the oven. Tomorrow we'll go out to buy you some supplies. Did you take a shower today?

 

He turned his head to gauge Yuto’s reaction, the taller guy shook his head from where he was sitting on the sofa. Yamada sighed.

\- Then go take one while I'm cooking dinner it will help you feel better.

 

Yuto couldn't say no to Yamada’s bossy tone, so he went to the bathroom, took a shower and put on another stay-at-home outfit. When he exited the bathroom, the room was filled with a delicious smell, Yamada was still busy in the kitchen so Yuto sat back on the sofa.

\- What did I miss today? Dared to ask Yuto.

\- Dance rehearsals, but I'm sure you'll catch up quickly, said Yamada without looking up from the kitchen counter.

 

He then approached Yuto with a glass of water and put it in his hands.

\- Here, I'm sure you didn't drink enough today, and I don't want you to get sick…

 

Yuto thanked him and drank it all. Indeed, despite his cup of coffee, he didn't remember drinking much today, but now he felt thirsty, and hungry. Yamada must have understood that, and he came to refill the empty glass.

\- Dinner is almost ready, he said while handing back the glass to his friend.

\- Thank you Yama-chan, thank you for taking care of me like this…

 

Yuto was embarrassed. Yamada had spent the last 3 days taking care of him, moreover, because of a heartache while Yamada had shown affection towards him. It was embarrassing… Yamada put a hand on Yuto’s shoulder.

\- As I've already told you Yutti, I'm here if you need me.

 

He winked at his tall friend and went back to the kitchen.

\- Ah! Dinner is ready! He announced joyfully.

 

They ate dinner in the sofa. Yuto ate his entire plate, and Yamada was proud of him. Yuto slumped on the sofa.

\- Yama-chan, this was sooooo yummy, thank you.

 

He smiled at his friend, a genuine smile, and Yamada felt his heart beat faster. He wanted to tell Yuto that he was beautiful, that he would move mountains for him, that he would spend all his time with him if it were what Yuto needed. He wanted to tell him again that he loved him, since he didn't hear him the first time. But it was too early. He didn't want to rush things since Yuto’s heartache was recent. So he tried to think of something that could be nice without sounding too pushy.

\- You look better when you smile Yutti, he finally said.

 

Yuto looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

\- Like a smiling zombie? He joked

 

They laughed together. Yuto’s laugh filled Yamada’s ears, and he thought to himself that he didn't want to hear his friend cry ever again and that he would do everything to make him happy again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Chinen Yuri, Chi.  
> Takaki Yuya.  
> Inoo Kei.  
> Arioka Daiki, Dai-chan.  
> Yabu Kota,  
> Yaotome Hikaru, Hika.

Yuto went back to work the day after, Yamada had stayed until late at his apartment the day before, he had understood that Yuto didn't want to stay alone but he didn't offer him to stay the night, and even if he had, Yamada would have refused, he had to leave Yuto come to terms with his heartache with Keito if he wanted to move forward. He had to distance himself, but it was hard, he had to restrain himself from being too effusive with Yuto, he wanted to let him breath, and more importantly, he wanted him to make the first step in order to prove him that he was ready to move on.  
As for Yuto, he needed Yamada’s presence, he needed someone near him, but not anybody. Someone who knew what happened to him, someone who had seen him in his worst period.  
During two weeks, their life went on as usual, work, rest, work again. They sometimes went to eat, but never the two of them alone, they were always accompanied by at least 2 other persons, as to be sure that they won't be left alone. Nothing was said, but they seemed to have come to a mutual agreement, both of them would wait for the other to be ready, well, at least that was what Yamada thought. As for him, he never came back to Yuto’s apartment, as Yuto didn't ask him to come back, surely believing that he had already asked too much from his friend.  
One day, Takaki offered everyone to go to the beach for a day. It wasn’t very hot, but the sun was shining and it was not windy at all. The 8 of Hey!Say!JUMP took the train which was surprisingly empty, well not so much surprising since their day off was a week day. Takaki knew of a beach where they would not be bothered by fans. They left the city early in the morning, all of them loaded with big bags full of food, drinks and stuffs to play with. They arrived at the beach in the middle of the morning. The 8 of them settled in a circle but they just put the bags down, without bothering to empty them. Takaki and Daiki ran toward the sea, shouting, their arms wide open:

— The beach! It feels so good to be here!

Yabu watched them from their settlement.

— Those two look like children…  
— And you look like an old man, retorted Hikaru by elbowing his comrade.  
— Oi! Who’s in for a match? called out Yamada, taking out a soccer ball from his bag.  
— I’m in! said Chinen while standing up from his spot in the sand.

They ended up making 2 teams of 3 players, Yabu, Hikaru, Takaki, against Yamada, Chinen and Daiki.

— Well, that’s definitely the Giants VS the Dwarves! joked Inoo still sitting on the sand.  
— Oi! Who is it you’re calling a dwarf?! retorted Daiki, ready to start a fight.

Inoo bursted out laughing, hiding his mouth with his long-fingered hand, in an almost feminine way.

— Inoo-chan, you’re sure you don’t want to play? asked Chinen  
— No, I prefer to stay here, I’ll keep company to Yuto.

He glanced at the taller man sitting next to him.

— Yutti, you’re not playing with us? asked Chinen

Yuto shook his head.

— No, thanks, maybe after lunch.

Chinen nodded and the six players moved away from their camp. They created 2 goals using bags, demarcated their football field by tracing lines in the sand and started their match. Yuto watched the game for a few minutes, it made him laugh, seeing his fellow members having fun like this, he felt relaxed.

— It was a good idea to come here today, Yuya was right, started Inoo.  
— It was, indeed, answered Yuto  
— We all needed this kind of time together.

Yuto nodded. He heard some joyful shouts coming from the players, Yamada had managed to score a goal, and he was celebrating by hugging Chinen and Daiki. The other team was cursing, Hikaru complaining about how Yabu wasn’t running fast enough and there were not enough players to have a proper goalkeeper, so one of the players always had to take this role quickly when the opponent approached.

— Hopefully Yuya isn’t wearing sandals today, otherwise it would be complicated to kick the ball, remarked Inoo jokingly.  
— And hopefully they are not playing basketball, otherwise one of the team would have been prejudiced, added Yuto  
— You’re lucky that Dai-chan can’t hear you, laughed Inoo

Meanwhile, the Giant team managed to score a goal, thanks to Yabu, the 2 other members congratulated him, while Yamada was taking it out on Daiki, yelling at him that it was his fault.

— Yama-chan is a poor loser, remarked Inoo

Yuto’s eyes were drawn to Yamada who was jokingly holding Daiki by the collar of his jacket. It made him smile, it was his way to show Daiki his affection.  
The sun was shining bright in the sky, so it was not so cold anymore. The 6 players were starting to take off their jacket one after the other. Inoo and Yuto started to unpack what everyone had brought for lunch. Inoo contemplating the amount of food and drinks:

— Whoa, this looks like a feast!

Yuto nodded, they sat back in the sand.

— You seem to feel better these days, said Inoo without looking at Yuto.  
— Sorry? the tall man said, surprised.  
— Well, you've looked quite down for nearly a month, but now you look better, were you sick or something?

This time Inoo looked up at Yuto with his droopy eyes.

— Well, yes… kind of…  
— At times like this, it’s good to spend time together, it’s better than staying alone, being with other people is what is best to feel better. said Inoo with a smile. When I feel down, I’m glad I’ve got Dai-chan and Yuya to cheer me up. Find your “help-me-feel-better” comrade Yuto.

Yuto nodded again and continued to watch the match. The players played for an hour, Yabu’s team was declared victorious with 3 goals against 1 for the Dwarves team. Hikaru, Yuya and Yabu celebrated their victory by jumping in circles, hands on each other’s shoulders. Yamada, Chinen and Daiki slowly came back to where Inoo and Yuto where sitting.

— Aaaaargh I’m so disappointed! shouted Daiki, ruffling his own hair.  
— It was a good match! Inoo assured him, patting the sand next to him  
— Yet we lost! retorted Daiki before sitting down with his arms crossed on his chest.

Yamada and Chinen sat down next to him, the 3 others came back and they closed the circle they had made around their feast. Yuto ended up between Yabu and Inoo and at the opposite of Chinen and Yamada.

— Ok, time for a drink! announced Hikaru

Inoo had prepared some beers and soft drinks. They raised their drinks to whatever came to their mind, Hikaru insisting on toasting for their victory. The sound of the 8 glass bottles loud on the quiet beach. After that, they quickly started to eat, the air of the beach making them hungry.

— Chi, taste this, I made it this morning.

Yamada was approaching a small salty cake from Chinen’s mouth, the littler boy opening wide his mouth to taste it.

— Hmm, that’s yummy Ryosuke!

They laughed at Chinen’s girly imitation.

— Yutti, have some too! said Yamada, handing the bento box to his tall friend.

Yuto took one cake but he thought it was not as good as Chinen had said. Maybe it would be better if Yamada had fed him, just like he had done when they had gone out eating with Chinen before Yuto’s heart broke to pieces few weeks ago, or maybe it would have tasted better if Yamada had cooked it at Yuto’s apartment, just for him…. Yuto shook his head, what was he thinking? He put down his soda and took a bottle of beer instead, drinking a few swallows of it. His eyes crossed Yamada’s, and he could see that he didn't really agree with his behaviour. But Yuto didn't care, he just wanted… to do it, maybe to catch Yamada’s attention… He didn't really know why.  
After lunch, they spent some time talking about trivial things, joking around. Chinen proposed to take a picture with everyone, so they posed, making funny faces or peace signs.

— I want to send it to Keito, if you guys don't mind, announced Chinen.

They all agreed to it. Yuto felt uneasy, he hadn't answered Keito’s phone calls or messages since a long time. He checked his phone, consulting the last text he had received from him. And started to answer it. Simply, without giving too much details, just to assure Keito that he was still alive. He sighed and put his phone back in his bag.

— Is everything ok Yuto? Asked Inoo.  
— Yes, I'm ok. Yuto answered, forcing himself to smile  
— I want to play beach volley, suddenly announced Yuya, I brought a volley ball and a net, we just have to trace lines for the field.

They all agreed to play this time. They made 2 teams by drawing straws which, as a result gave: Yamada, Yuto, Daiki and Yabu VS Hikaru, Inoo, Yuya and Chinen, they delimited the field by tracing new lines in the sand.

— I'm happy we're teammates this time, said Yamada to Yuto.

Yuto nodded and smiled, he was happy too.

— We just have to win now, he answered.

They started to play, it was less muddled than their football match. And the team were more balanced too. Both teams managed to score few points, and the game was starting to become quite serious, none of the players wanting to lose. The ball was in Yuto’s team camp, Yabu passed it to Yamada, who passed it to Yuto who managed to score beautifully. They high-fived and the game went on. Yuto’s eyes were always drawn to Yamada, he watched his every actions attentively, focused on all his comings and goings, he was so much focused that he didn't see the fast ball that Hikaru had just send coming to him.

— Yutti, watch out!!

But before he could do anything, Yamada threw himself at Yuto, the fast ball passing a centimeter away from his head. They both fell heavily on the sand. Yuto on his back, Yamada over him.

— Hey, are you guys ok? I’m sorry! yelled Hikaru from the other side of the field.

Yuto slowly opened his eyes and blinked several times to discover that Yamada’s face was only millimeters away from his. Yuto’s heart beat faster, if he wasn’t already red because of the physical effort, he would have blushed. Yamada’s eyes locked with his.

— Are you ok, Yutti? he whispered.

Yuto slowly nodded and stuttered:

— Y...yeah… I’m alright…  
— Good…

Yamada’s voice so close to his ears had something almost erotic. Yuto blinked again before Yamada stood up and helped Yuto up by offering him his hand. Yuto took it and got on his feet, but he didn’t let go of Yamada’s hand right away. It was Yamada who took back his hand after looking away from Yuto, he moved away to retrieve the ball, gave it to Daiki and wiped away the remaining sand off his clothes.  
Yuto stood still for a few seconds, trying to register what had just happened. What was that? Why was he feeling so… troubled by this proximity with Yamada.

— Are you ok, Yuto? Can we continue the match? asked Yabu concerned by Yuto’s sudden stiffness.

Yuto nodded, not really sure if he were ready for anything at that very moment but he couldn’t let his comrades wait forever.  
The game went on, Yuto trying hard to focus on the ball to prevent another accident from happening, his team was good, they communicated a lot, Yamada giving orders as to who had to catch the ball or who should pass it to who and who should try to score. As a result, their team won the match after an hour of struggle against the other team which wasn’t ready to lose.

— That was close! said Inoo to Daiki, we were only 2 points apart…  
— Yet we won! exulted Daiki, patting his lanky friend in the back.  
— But you lost the soccer match this morning… reminded him Hikaru with a mischievous smile.

Daiki grimaced, took a bottle of water and drink it all. Meanwhile Hikaru approached Yuto.

— I’m sorry, I almost hit you with the ball during the match… I didn’t see you weren’t paying attention…  
— No, it’s my fault, I should have been more focused, don’t worry Hikaru.

They exchanged a smile.

— Hopefully Yama-chan was there to save you, said Hikaru, winking at Yuto.

Yuto blushed and slowly turned over to look for Yamada. He wasn’t very far away, he was actually laughing with Chinen while wiping his forehead with a small towel.

— You should thank him, said Inoo, elbowing the tall guy.

Yuto turned to look at Inoo whose pouting lips were now changed into a knowing smile. Then he added in a lower voice so that only Yuto could here:

— Maybe he’s your “help-me-feel-better” friend you know…

Yuto looked back at Yamada and turned things over in his head. He had to properly thanked Yamada, but he didn’t want to do it in front of everyone, it was too embarrassing.  
They stayed on the beach until the end of the afternoon, they then slowly started to pack back all their stuffs in their bags and aimed for the train station. Yuya insisted on putting his feet in the sea before leaving, but the water was so cold that he regretted doing it immediately, which made everyone laugh. The train which took them home was even more empty than the one they took in the morning. They were alone. Yuto sat next to a window and almost everyone sat alone on 1 or 2 seats. Only Inoo and Yuya sat next to each other. Yamada was last to get on the train, and Yuto thought it would be a good time to have a little talk with him. He hailed his friend and patted the seat next to him. Yamada raised an eyebrow but came to sit next to him anyway.

— Yama-chan, I wanted to thank you for earlier, if I had taken the ball in the face it could have been dangerous, so… thank you very much!

He bowed as he said the last words. Yamada blinked several times.

— What are you talking about Yutti? It’s normal that I helped you! Anyone would have done it in this situation…

Yuto raised his head:

— Yes… but anyway, thank you!

Yamada nodded lightly and now Yuto felt embarrassed. His friend must have noticed, because he started to talk about trivial things as to calm the atmosphere, he then stretched his arms in the air and yawned.

— Aaah, I’ve spent all my energy today… I’m so tired!

Yuto agreed, the air of the sea was good, but they all felt exhausted, Yuto yawned too and his eyelids felt heavy.

— You can… rest your head on my shoulder if you want…, offered Yamada after noticing his tall friend’s fatigue.

Yuto blinked, surprised at the sudden offer. Many informations were being send to his brain and he had a hard time treating all of them. Could he do it? Was it ok for him to sleep on Yamada’s shoulder? Really really? He had already felt troubled when he had fallen on top of him, so sleeping next to him? Well technically Yuto had already slept on Yamada’s lap… so his shoulders shouldn’t be a big deal… yet... Yamada seemed to notice his friend’s inner conversation he smiled and turned his head to the opposite side:

— It’s ok, you don’t have to if you don’t want to…

He had said it in an almost provocative tone. He settled comfortably in his seat and spread his shoulder, as to invite Yuto to use it. Yuto watched, silent. Yamada closed his eyes. Yuto waited for a few minutes, as if to be sure his friend wasn’t paying attention anymore. He looked at Yamada’s muscular arm… This couldn’t be bad… He slowly leaned toward his neighbour and lightly rested his head on the strong inviting shoulder. At that moment, Yuto thought that it was not the most comfortable pillow but it felt like it to him...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Chinen Yuri, Chi.

Yuto never mentioned to Yamada that he hadn’t slept so well than against his shoulder for a long time. Instead, again, they acted like nothing happened. But Yuto couldn't ignore the fact that he was uncontrollably feeling more and more attracted to his handsome friend. He hadn't completely erased Keito from his mind, nor from his heart, but it had become less difficult for Yuto to talk with his abroad friend. They even had a discussion on the phone few days after the beach trip, Yuto telling Keito all the details of their little journey, the games, the food… not the trip back home… Yuto thought he had managed to cope with his feelings. He still had some towards Keito, but there was someone else in his mind now, even if he didn't want to admit it.  
It was 2 weeks after the beach trip, and Yuto had invited Yamada and Chinen to his apartment to play video games. It had been a long time since their last game session, they had been busy with concerts, filmings, shootings…. They finally managed to find a day off in common and decided it would be nice to play games, the 3 of them, while talking and eating. Yuto’s friends were supposed to arrive for lunchtime so that they would have the entire afternoon (and maybe night) to play. Yuto woke up quite early, he tried to go back to sleep but he couldn't, he was so excited to spend the day with Chinen and Yamada… maybe mostly with Yamada, but he liked Chinen’s company too. Yuto took advantage of the time he had to take a shower, clean the house and prepare their playing spot: the living-room. He also checked the inside of his fridge, drinks and food were ready. He would just have to take everything out of the fridge, nothing to prepare. He then sat on the sofa, he started tapping his feet on the floor, from impatience. He then turned the TV on, went over several channels, then turned it off. He sighed, lay back on the sofa and looked at the ceiling and sighed again.

— What should I do…, he said out loud.

His phone suddenly rang, it was Chinen.

— Hi, Yuto! Ryosuke and I are on the way. Don't mind if we come earlier?

Chinen was talking joyfully and Yuto felt relieved his friends were arriving sooner than expected. He sat up on the sofa.

— No problem! Everything's ready for you guys!  
— We'll be there in 5 minuuuutes!

That was Yamada’s voice this time, it made Yuto smiled.

— Ok, I'm waiting for you guys!

Indeed, they arrived 5 minutes later, holding bags full of food and drinks, and Chinen took out a spare gamepad from his bag.

— Guys, I'm going to kick your asses. Warned Yamada while plunging on the sofa.  
— You can always try… retorted Chinen, sitting next to him.

Yuto turned the TV and the console on, took the gamepads, gave one each and finally sat next to Chinen, a little disappointed that he couldn't sit next to Yamada. The game was a fighting game. Each of them had a favourite character, and they had played so many times that they had gained a lot of skills. But Yamada was still the best.

— We should try a 2 vs 2, proposed Chinen after a while  
— No! I don't want to play with the computer …. Protested Yuto.  
— Who said you were going to play with the computer? Asked the little man, raising an eyebrow.  
— Well, I was just thinking that you were going to make a team with Yama-chan…  
— Then I'll be the one playing with the computer! Stop fighting over me guys… interrupted Yamada.

Yuto blushed, he would have preferred to be in Ryosuke's team but well… At least it was better than seeing Chinen and Yamada playing in the same team. He knew they were close friends, but still…  
Indeed Yamada managed to beat them without the help of the computer.

— As it could be expected from Ryosuke, said Chinen while elbowing his neighbour  
— You played well too Chi, answered Yamada cutely

They played for 2 hours until they started to get hungry, Yuto took the food from out of the fridge and served some drinks. None of them wanted to stop playing, so they continued while eating. It was fun, because they were struggling with one hand busy holding food, or they were holding food with their mouth.

— Chi, wou wouff me fwom che pwatfow! Mumbled Yamada  
— What? Said Yuto and Chinen in unison while bursting out laughing.

Yamada swallowed his food before repeating.

— Chi, you pushed me from out of the platform!  
— Aaaah, sorry Ryo, but you're not winning this time.

Indeed, Chinen managed to win this game, on the contrary, Yuto lost at every fight they played, and it was getting on his nerves, and it showed through how he responded and reacted. And moreover, seeing Yamada being too affective with Chinen was... he liked Chinen a lot, that wasn't the problem here… but he wanted Yamada to act like this with him too… He straightened as he understood that what he was feeling was jealousy. He had already felt like this when they were at the beach, he didn't like being jealous, it wasn't like him, but he couldn't help it.  
They spent the entire afternoon playing, Yuto managing to win once when he played as a team with Yamada which made him feel delighted, but as soon as he played against him or when Yamada and Chinen would make a team he would lost. At some point, Chinen looked up at the clock above the TV and jumped on his feet.

— Wow! It's already THIS late?! I have to go guys, I'm sorry, I forgot I had to buy stuffs at the combini for tomorrow!  
— Don't worry Chi, I'll help Yuto clean everything up.

Chinen bowed low to apologise, he took his coat and prepared to leave. Yuto accompanied him to the door.

— Next time, I'll crush both of you! I promise! said Chinen with a smile.  
— You bet… answered Yuto while opening the door.  
— Bye-bye!

Chinen waved at Yamada who was still on the sofa and at Yuto before he closed the door behind him. Yuto aimed for the kitchen, putting stuffs in the fridge or in cupboards. Yamada stood up and started to do the dishes next to Yuto.

— Chinen is so cute, started Yamada, even if he is 25 now, he is still as cute as when he was 11.

Yuto didn't answered, instead, he took a dish towel and began to wipe the plate Yamada had just washed. Everytime Ryosuke was trying to start a conversation, Yuto would just continue his task, without answering. He was clearly giving Yamada the cold shoulder. He took a glass and started to rinse it.

— Yutti, is something the matter?  
— No.  
— Are you sure? I feel like you're angry… Did I do something wrong?  
— No.  
— Hm, ok…

This heavy silence continued for a few minutes.

— Yutti, please tell me wh…  
— Stop calling me that.  
— What?  
— I just… don't want you to be so familiar with me while you… while you're flirting with Chinen before my eyes!  
— What?!

Yamada stayed numb, still holding the glass in his hand.

— Flirt…. Flirting? What…. What are you talking about?  
— Oh stop that!

Yuto threw the dish towel into the sink and hurried to his bedroom, Yamada tried to stop him by catching his arm, but Yuto freed himself. He entered his bedroom and slammed the door closed. He pressed his back against the door and he let his body slid to the floor, his hands clenched into fists. He wanted to cry, to yell, to punch something… He heard Yamada knocking at the door.

— Yuto… are you alright? His voice was full of concern, you can talk to me you know…

Yuto sighed, he didn't want to talk because he felt stupid for reacting like he just did.

— Yutti… please… I don't want us to fight…

Yuto looked up at the ceiling, he didn't want to fight with Yamada either… on the contrary, he wanted them to… like each other.

— Well… I should just go then… said Yamada from the other side of the door.

Yuto froze, he didn't want that. He slowly stood up and opened the bedroom door. Yamada was still standing behind it, a concerned look on his face.

— Yutti… I…  
— I just… don't know what I'm feeling anymore.

Yamada blinked, Yuto looked down at his feet, a hand ruffling his own hair.

— I've been acting like an idiot Yama-chan, I'm sorry… it's just… I… I felt jealous when I saw you earlier with Chinen… I know I shouldn't be, because you're both my friends but… it's messy in my head right now…

Yamada made a step forward into the bedroom and took Yuto’s hand in his.

— Don't worry Yutti, it's ok.

He started to slowly rub his fingers on Yuto’s palm. The latter looked up at Yamada, meeting his eyes, they stared at each other in silence, Yamada still caressing Yuto’s hand. There were so many things that were coming to their mind. Melted feelings. Yuto felt an urge, an urge to kiss the man standing in front of him, he needed him, more importantly, he needed to show Yamada how important he was to him. He took a deep breath, freed his hand from Yamada’s and caught his wrists. Ryosuke’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn't fight back, instead, he pulled himself on his toes to catch Yuto’s lips with his own. Yuto moaned from the soft contact, he leaned forward to help Yamada kissed him better, then, he pushed him against the wall, holding his wrists on each side of his head, but he let go when he felt that Yamada wasn't rejecting him. On the contrary, the smaller guy wrapped his arms around Yuto’s neck and pulled him closer. Their kiss deepened, both of them panting as it was breathtaking. At this stage none of them knew if they were struggling against each other or making up for their previous fight. And in fact, none of them cared… Yuto caught Yamada’s face in his hands, changing the angle of their kiss, and going deeper. His friend let out an almost desperate moan as he gripped tighter Yuto’s shirt. The tall guy slowly ran his hands down along Yamada’s neck, shoulders and then chest. Carefully caressing each centimeter as to make sure everything he touched was real. He didn't break their kiss as he continued sliding down Yamada’s body until reaching his hips. There, he went up but this time under his sweater, running his hands on the muscular stomach, his touch stronger to feel every single detail of Yamada’s skin. The latter moaned louder, planting his nails in Yuto’s back through the fabric of his shirt.  
Ryosuke was trying to think, to put all the pieces together, but his mind was blurred and he couldn't think straight, everything was so… exciting… arousing… And if it continued… He slowly opened his eyelids and his stare fell on Yuto’s bed. The end of his thought struck him like a punch in the face. If it continued… they would definitely do it. And that was not ok right now.  
Yamada gasped and froze, Yuto rose his head and aimed for Yamada’s lips again.

— What’s wrong…? Yuto whispered between two kisses.  
— Yutti…. Moaned Yamada, stop… please stop…

Yuto pulled back and stared at Yamada who pushed Yuto away from him in a very sensitive way.

— Yutti, you're not…. We’re not… ready… We're not ready for this, you're not ready for this, you need to… take time and… clear your mind.  
— What are you talking about Yam…  
— Are you sure it's what you want right now? Yamada interrupted.

Yuto straightened and blinked several times. His friend repeated his question:

— Are you sure it's what you want right now? Are you sure you're not going to regret it? I don't want us to do… it... , he gestured toward the bed, in a hurry, I want us to be sure, 100% sure about it…

His voice became lower and lower as these words were coming out of his mouth. Yuto’s brain was trying to make up an answer. But he didn't know how… Was he sure he wanted to go further with Yamada? Or was he just trying to claim him as his? He was right, that was not ok… And moreover… what about his feelings for Keito? Was he really ready to move on and to let go of the past?  
Ryosuke noticed the struggle going on inside Yuto’s mind, he raised his hand and softly caressed the tall man’s cheek.

— Yutti… I should leave now, just think about what you really want. I already told you, I'm ready to give you all the time you need… so … take your time…

Yamada turned away from Yuto and left the bedroom. Yuto didn't stop him, he just stayed there, without moving. He heard the front door opening and closing, Ryosuke was gone. Yuto sat on his bed, and lay down, looking at the ceiling. It was true, he needed time to clear his mind and to find what it was he really wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Chinen Yuri, Chi.  
> Inoo Kei.  
> Yaotome Hikaru, Hika.

Yuto woke up in an awkward position, he was lying on his back at the end of his bed, his feet still on the floor and he was still wearing his clothes. He turned over to glance at his alarm clock, it was 2 am. He must have fallen asleep after Yamada left. He stood up and went to the bathroom, he needed to take a shower and to change clothes, and then go back to sleep. He stripped down and entered the shower, he let the warm water relaxed his body, and his mind started to wander… He thought back of what had happened with Yamada, the games, the fight, the making up… At this thought, a warm sensation passed across Yuto’s stomach. He shook his head quickly, sending away these naughty thoughts, he finished his shower in a hurry and turned the water off. He put on some sleepwear and aimed for his bedroom, but he stopped at the door. And he saw the scene from before replaying in his mind as he was about to enter the room. He turned over and sat on the sofa, turning on the TV to think about something else. He felt something in his back, he reached to see what it was. A beanie… he had a flash, Yamada wore it when he arrived at Yuto’s apartment the day before, he must have forgotten it. Yuto put it on his lap and started playing with it with his fingers without really thinking about it. He will have to give it back to Yamada. This was going to be so awkward, like “hello we almost fucked yesterday and oh by the way you forgot your beanie” Yuto put the wool accessory away and focused on the TV again, but not for so long. He considered sending a message to Yamada, to apologise for his behavior. His phone… he searched the room for it and finally found it on the kitchen counter. He had a text from Chinen from hours ago to tell him that he had forgotten his gamepad and that it would be nice if Yuto could give him back when they'll see each other later. Indeed, Chinen’s gamepad was still on the living room table. He felt bad for how jealous he had felt toward Chinen while he was a close friend. All this story with Yamada was driving him crazy and he was afraid he could lost his most precious friends. His phone suddenly vibrated. It was a text from Keito, hoping he wouldn't be waking Yuto up and telling him he would try to call him soon, he had things he wanted to tell him, some things that happened in America, but Yuto shouldn't worry, everything was fine but Keito wanted to discuss it with him. Yuto didn't answer, he didn't want Keito to know that he was still awake at this hour. Moreover, his mind was still so confused… now wasn't the time to add other things to it. But at the same time he was also curious to know what it was that Keito wanted to talk about with him… Maybe he wanted to speak with Yuto concerning the girlfriend thing… or maybe not… Yuto was trying to act as he didn't care but he couldn't help wondering what this conversation was going to be about.   
Yuto eventually fell asleep on the couch, the TV still running. He was woken up by a phone call. His manager wondering where he was as he should have already been on a set for a shooting. He had overslept! And he had forgotten to set his alarm clock before going to bed… Yuto jumped up from the sofa, prepared himself in a hurry and left his apartment. He went to the place where the shooting was supposed to be. He arrived an hour late, but the manager had asked that the other members just got shot before him and before the group shooting so that it had left time for Yuto to arrive. He apologised many times and to everyone who was working on the set. He was given an outfit to put on, and the make-up artist had to work hard on his hair so that he didn't look like he had just woken up anymore. It triggered a lot of nice mocking remarks from his fellow members.   
During a pause, he went to meet Chinen in order to give him his gamepad back. He was also planning on giving Yamada’s beanie back, but as he met his stare, he thought about keeping it so that Ryosuke will have to come to Yuto’s apartment to take it back. It would be a good occasion to talk with him about what he wanted… So he buried the hat deep inside his bag as he made up his mind. 

— What is it that you’re hiding?

Yuto jumped, he turned around to find Inoo standing behind him.

— Inoo-chan! You scared me so much!   
— Is it something important? Asked Inoo as if it were a big secret.

Yuto blushed.

— No, it's just… something I keep for later…  
— Ok… Inoo didn't seem convinced.

He sat on a couch near Yuto, and Yuto sat next to him. 

— What happened? Asked Inoo  
— What what? Answered Yuto, doubtful.  
— Well you arrived late today, it never happens to you, so I was assuming that something must have happened

Yuto tilted his head on one side.

— Well… I just… forgot to set my alarm clock, so I overslept.  
— Hmm. Chinen said he went to your apartment yesterday with Yama-chan, started Inoo.

Yuto coughed in surprise. He then turned to look at Inoo, who was now giving him a mischievous smile.

— So I was wondering if something happened, and I think I've got my answer. 

He gave a meaningful look to Yuto.

— What the heck are you talking about Inoo-chan?

Inoo crossed his arms, taking a serious attitude.

— Well, the truth is… I already knew something was going on between you two back then when we were at the beach. But now, I'm definitely sure about it.

He blinked at his neighbour, who was everything but satisfied by this answer.

— “you two”? Repeated Yuto.  
— Yes, you and…, Inoo pointed at Yamada who was posing for a photo at the other end of the room.

Yuto straightened and tried to give a justification, but he just managed to stutter some incoherent words.

— Yuto, I’m not blind you know…

Yuto stared at Yamada’s direction for a moment before letting out a long sigh.

— Did you too already… 

Inoo didn’t finish his sentence, instead he just meaningfully elbowed Yuto’s arm.

— What?! No! We…, No, no! It’s not like that…  
— Oh really? So how is it then?  
— It’s like… it’s really… Oh shit, it’s really complicated!  
— And may I know why?

Yuto sighed again, he hadn’t planned to be questioned like a culprit, and even less by Inoo, but he needed to talk about all this to someone, anyone, anyone who wasn’t part of this love triangle.

— I’ve always thought you two would end up together, but you’re really taking your time!  
— It’s not THAT easy Inoo-chan…  
— Then what’s difficult?  
— I… don’t know…

Inoo turned to face Yuto and he leaned closer as he spoke in a commanding way.

— Listen to me Yuto Nakajima, I don’t know what’s going on in your pretty head, but what I am sure of, is that you’re without any doubt in love with Mister Yamada Ryosuke right there, he pointed at Yamada, now, I don’t know what happened that made you doubt about that, but if you keep thinking about it over and over, the only thing you’re going to do is lose him. So, do you have a good reason?

Yuto blinked several times, taken aback by Inoo’s authoritarian tone that he had never heard before.

— So? continued Inoo, What’s your reason?

Yuto tried to make out a sentence, should he really tell Inoo about all this? He glanced at the long-fingered man before making up his mind.

— I loved Keito.

Inoo straightened but then the expression on his face changed into a more serious one.

— Does he know?  
— No… I’ve never managed to tell him, and anyway, he has a girlfriend so…

Yuto looked down at his hands which were resting on his lap. Inoo nodded.

— But this is not a problem.  
— What? Yuto nearly shouted.  
— You said you “loved” Keito, so…

Yuto had just realised something, yes, he loved Keito, he used to love him… but what about now?

— Let me put it in another way, started Inoo. Imagine that tomorrow, Keito comes back and tells you he is now gay. Would you let everything behind and try to date him? or…?

Yuto looked up and met Inoo’s questioning eyes. That was a good question,... what would he do in that case?

— This is your problem Yuto, you can’t make a choice because you’re not clear enough with your feelings… But that’s not something I can do for you, it’s something you have to deal with on your own.

They both fell silent for a few minutes.

— Moreover, continued Inoo, even if Keito happened to be gay, that doesn’t mean that you would be his type… he paused before adding, I think his type would be more like Hikaru, you know, someone who would tell him what to do, someone who would be strict with him… I don’t know, not like a domination kind of thing, but I don’t know…

Inoo touched his chin, like if he were in a very intense reflection, which made Yuto laugh.

— Anyway Yuto, you need to be clear now. I think Ryosuke has been patient enough, he won’t wait forever… He needs… He deserves to know what you really feel.

He touched Yuto’s shoulder like a father would do to give courage to his son, then added, winking at Yuto.

— He is definitely your “help-me-feel-better” person.

Yuto looked at Yamada who seemed to have felt that someone was staring at him, his eyes met Yuto’s and he gave him a light smile. Yuto could have sworn he saw Yamada blush. And he thought about how intimate they had been the night before, and Yuto felt he was blushing too.

— You’re right Inoo-chan… I have to be honest about my feelings.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on LJ (same name) and Wattpad (Wattpad account: KeiTeaChan)
> 
> The different characters (members of Hey!Say!JUMP) can be refered to using different names or nicknames:
> 
> Nakajima Yuto, Yutti.  
> Yamada Ryosuke, Yama-chan.  
> Okamoto Keito.  
> Inoo Kei.  
> Yaotome Hikaru, Hika.

Some days after the shooting, Yuto had woken up early. He had called Yamada in the evening, asking him if he could come to Yuto’s apartment to get back the beanie he had forgotten, Yamada had told him he would certainly come when his movie shooting would be over. Yuto had troubles to sleep for a few nights because he had been imagining a hundred different scenario of how he was going to confess and how Yamada would react and thus, how it would end… Each time he thought about THAT, his heart beat faster. They had almost ended up in bed while they weren’t even a proper couple, so what was going to happen if they become boyfriends. Yuto had rolled in his bed thinking about this, he felt like a teenage girl… feeling butterflies in his stomach just by imagining what could happen in bed with Yamada… And what about that? Who would do what? Because well… with a girl it was obvious who would do the job, but with another guy it was much more delicate. But he couldn’t just ask Ryosuke: “Oh, by the way, would you prefer to be on top or…” Just the image of Yamada standing over him made him blush and he had hidden his face in his pillow like a fangirl. It was awful how he was planning everything while maybe none of this would ever happen. Because that was what Yuto had in mind, but maybe Yamada would have different thoughts. Indeed, he had been the one who had put a term to their making out session the other day… But only because he had felt that Yuto wasn’t 100% sure about “them” so now that he knew what he was truly feeling… Then it was different.

Yuto took a shower and sat in front of the TV but without turning it on. He checked his phone, no messages. Then his eyes fell on Yamada’s hat that he had put on the small table. He took it and brought it near his face, and he smelled it. It smelled like Yamada and Yuto’s heart skipped a beat. He inhaled longly the soft scent before putting the beanie on his lap.

— Inoo is right, I have to be honest, he looked down at the wooly hat, now I know…

He was cut by his phone suddenly ringing, he jumped and checked it, Keito was calling. Yuto’s brain worked fast, he remembered that Keito had something he wanted to talk about, then he remembered his conversation with Inoo, what if… Yuto startled, he had to answer, he tapped the screen and led the electronic device up to his ear.

— Keito?

— Hi Yuto! I hope I’m not waking you up? said Keito in a cheerful voice.

— No, I woke up early today, to be honest I didn’t sleep very well, but hey, it happens sometimes.

— Yeah, indeed.

They exchanged about trivial things for a few minutes before Yuto finally dared to ask.

— Wasn’t there something you wanted to talk about?

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

— Keito? asked Yuto, feeling concerned.

— Hm, to be honest Yuto, it’s a little complicated…

— Did something bad happen? Yuto felt more and more concerned.

— I wouldn’t say it’s bad… but well…

— Keito, stop that. What is it? asked Yuto, feeling impatient.

— I… well… I broke up with Lara.

— Eh?

Yuto felt surprised and he couldn’t help feeling sad for his friend.

— I’m sorry to hear that Keito, what happened?

— Well I… Hm, it’s hard to… explain.

— Keito, if you don’t want to talk about this it’s fine ok? You don’t have too if you feel bad about it. No one is forcing you. said Yuto to reassure his friend.

— Yes, but I have to tell someone, and as you're my best friend…, he paused, I… didn’t really like her…

Yuto frowned.

— Well, you know Keito, this kind of things happen sometimes, it won’t be the first time and it won’t be the last you know, she just wasn’t the right person for you, that’s all…

— No Yuto, interrupted Keito, it’s not like that.

He paused, Yuto heard Keito inhale longly before continuing.

— She was not the problem, she is pretty, funny, nice, intelligent… The perfect girl one could say…

— So what’s the problem then?

— I think the problem was that… she is a girl…

Yuto raised an eyebrow, not really sure he understood what Keito meant by this.

— Keito, I’m not sure I’m following you there…

— The truth is… I... , he paused, I think I like men.

Yuro froze and his mind went blank. Keito was… gay? No, he thought he was but… What… What was he supposed to do with this information? Inoo’s words came back to his mind: “Imagine that tomorrow, Keito comes back and tells you he is now gay. Would you let everything behind and try to date him? or…?”

— I’ve already thought about it before, you know, being always with guys because of work and all… But I thought it was just like love that siblings would feel for each other.. But after dating several girls, I’m wondering if it was really like that…

Yuto didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t answer, he felt his heart was tightening in his chest. 

— I’m sorry Yuto, maybe I’m shocking you…

— No, no you’re not… it’s just…

He remembered something else that Inoo had told him: 

“even if Keito happened to be gay, that doesn’t mean that you would be his type”

— Have you… ever felt attracted by a man? asked Yuto, serious.

— Hm… I think yes, or at least finding a man particularly attractive or things like that… I remembered one day that Hikaru suggested that we could fall in love with anyone, regardless of their gender… And I thought about it and it upseted me more than it should have. As I felt really affected by that, and you're my best friend Yuto, I wanted you to be the first to know. Beside, I know that it’s your case too…

Yuto startled.

— What do you mean?

— I know Yuto, I know that you like men too,

— When did you…

— I don’t remember when I noticed, but I know, and I first I thought it was strange, but it didn’t shock me. And now I understand, and I hope you’ll find someone to love.

Yuto considered what Keito had just said. He was gay, but not in love with him, and moreover, Yuto… was not as troubled by Keito’s revelation as he would have been if he had found out about that months ago. Yuto sighed, and as his eyes fell on the wool accessory he still had on his lap, he realised that everything was now crystal clear.

— Are you ok Yuto? asked Keito, a bit concerned.

— Yeah, yeah I’m ok, I’ve just realised something, and it’s thanks to you Keito, I hope you’ll find someone too.

Yuto was now at ease with his feelings. What he needed to do now, was to act. After his phone call ended with Keito, Yuto was sure of 2 things, 1: he loved Keito, he loved him very much, but as his best friend, and 2: there was someone else he truly loved. And that person was…


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Explicit Sex

In the evening, Yuto received a text from Yamada, telling him that he was coming back home to take a shower before coming to Yuto’s appartement. It was early in the evening and he had finished shooting for the day, the next shooting wasn’t expected before 2 days. 

Yuto’s heart raced, Yamada would be there in an hour or so, and he felt really, really, nervous. He took a shower too, to spend time and then just sat on the couch, tapping the floor with his feet in impatience. Everything that had been troubling him for the past days was going to end this night. In a good or bad way and that was extremely upsetting. 

When Yamada knocked at the door, he was also very nervous. He hadn’t spent time alone with Yuto since their making out session, and so he was feeling awkward. Yuto opened the door and let him in.

— Hi, I’m sorry I should have brought something to eat, maybe you’re hungry? Yamada sais, not looking at Yuto.

— No, don’t worry it’s ok, I’m not very hungry.

He couldn’t tell him that he was so nervous that he wasn’t able to eat anything. Yamada made his way to the living room, where he saw his beanie on the small table. He took it and put it in his bag.

— I’m taking it back. said Yamada, raising his bag to show Yuto what he was doing.

— Yeah, sorry I could have brought it to you at work but…

He played with the bottom of his T-shirt.

— I wanted you to come over because… I think we need to talk…

Yamada looked up at Yuto, frowning. The tall guy approached the couch and sat down, inviting Yamada to do the same by patting the free space next to him. Yamada put his bag on the floor and complied. The atmosphere was heavy, every move they made felt awkward. Yuto took a deep inspiration before starting:

— I had a conversation with Keito on the phone…

Yamada straightened. Yuto didn’t notice and went on.

— There was an important matter he wanted to discuss with me…

Ryosuke raised an eyebrow.

— An important matter? What was it? Did something bad happened?

— He… broke up with his girlfriend….

Yamada’s heart raced, he was scared of what was coming next. Yuto took his time before adding:

— He broke up with his girlfriend because he realised he might prefer men.

Ryosuke froze, he almost felt sick, his eyes widened, he knew where this conversation was leading them, and it scared him. He didn’t want to hear it from Yuto, after all the time it had taken them to come to this point, he didn’t want their relationship to fall apart just because Keito had had some kind of revelation. He meant to stand up, he just wanted to run away. Yuto caught him by the arm.

— What are you doing Yama-chan?

— I… don’t want to… I don’t need to hear the rest… I…, his voice was starting to sound teary, I’m happy for you, now you can finally be together…

— What? No, Yam…

Yamada tried to free himself from Yuto’s hand, he stood up and stepped back before Yuto pulled him in his arms and hugged him tightly.

— Don’t run away Ryosuke… Please…

Yuto buried his face in Yamada’s hair, inhaling the soft scent coming from it. Yamada had his hands clenched into fists on Yuto’s chest, tears starting to form in his eyes.

— Just let me go… cried Yamada in a low voice.

Yuto hugged him stronger. 

— No, I’m not letting you go anywhere anymore Ryosuke, because…

He made a step back from the smaller guy and put a finger under his chin to make him look up.

— It’s you…

He took a deep inspiration:

— I’ve finally realised that It’s you that I need.

Yamada startled, not really sure that he heard it right. Yuto noticed and leaned forward to drop a soft kiss on the smaller man’s lips. 

— It’s you that I love Ryosuke Yamada.

He had whispered a millimeter apart from his lips, Yamada felt his heart overwhelmed with joy. 

— Are you sure Yutti?

— 100% sure…

They smiled at each other, Yuto pressing their foreheads together, Yamada took advantage of the situation, he put his arms around Yuto’s neck, pulling him closer, and he covered Yuto’s lips with numerous, quick and small kisses. It made Yuto laugh because it was cute. But when he stopped, their eyes met, they stared at each other in silence for a few minutes and Yuto noticed a change in Yamada’s gaze. The later got on his toes and caught Yuto’s lips again, but this time in a long sensual way, his tongue trying to make its way between Yuto’s lips to meet his. Yuto let him in, their tongues shyly meeting each other. It was not like the other day, when it felt like a struggle, here it was different, everything was a discovery. Yuto caught Yamada’s face with his hands and deepened the kiss. Their lips moving slowly against each other, tasting each and every part of the other. Yamada let his hands go down from Yuto’s neck to his chest. He then let go of Yuto’s lips to focus on his jawline, he kissed every centimeter of skin that came near. Then he went down a little more, on his throat and then he stopped on his collar bone, the way down being blocked by the tall man’s shirt. Yamada moved his hand to the bottom of Yuto’s piece of clothes and started pulling it up. The taller man helped him by removing it completely. Yamada started kissing Yuto’s chest again after landing another kiss on his lips, slowly making his way down, licking and kissing Yuto’s soft skin which made him moaned. When he arrived at Yuto’s stomach, the tall guy bend his head backward, the feeling on his skin soft and tingling at the same time. Yamada was down on his knees and Yuto had his hands on his shoulders. Yamada put his hands on Yuto’s belt, he looked up to see Yuto’s facial expression. Yuto looked down, biting his bottom lip, almost cursing when he met Yamada’s erotic gaze. 

— You're teasing me Ryosuke…

Yamada felt butterflies in his stomach. Hearing Yuto's husky voice, Yuto's sexy voice was arousing. He stood up and deeply kissed him. Yuto took advantage of the situation to grab Yamada’s sweater and made him take it off. Yamada had a black tank top underneath which made his muscles look prominent. And Yuto found that very… very… sexy… He let his hands wander all over Yamada’s chest and arms. Then he caught the black fabric in his hand and pulled Yamada closer for a kiss. The later moaned. He then pushed Yuto away a little, gazing at him hungrily.

— We should continue elsewhere….

Yuto looked surprised so Yamada added, whispering in Yuto’s ear.

— Bedroom.

Yuto found it exciting, he smiled and hold Yamada into his arms, in a princess-like way, Yamada tried to stop him, laughing. But Yuto carried him to the bedroom and put him on the bed. Yuto hovered over Yamada, his hands on each side of his newly boyfriend, as to trap him. 

— Is that our wedding night? Asked Yamada, tilting his head on one side in a cute way.

Yuto smiled and kissed him.

— I like when you're acting cute….

Yamada made a sulky face, Yuto came closer and added in a whisper before kissing him:

— But I like you more when you're wild….

Yamada caught Yuto’s face in his hands and aimed deeper in the tall man’s mouth. Yuto moaned and started caressing Yamada’s body but this time with a kind of urge. He went down until he reached Ryosuke’s belt, he stopped there. Yamada broke their kiss and gave him a questioning look. 

— Can… can I? asked Yuto shyly.

— What the heck Yutti?! We're in the middle of making out and you ask permission to take my pants off? 

Yuto startled at Yamada’s sudden tone. Yamada sat up and kissed Yuto’s cheek.

— Do it…. Do whatever you want with me….

Wow, Yuto blinked several times. Yamada gave him a mischievous smile, took Yuto’s hand and dragged it to his belt.

— Do it…

Yuto blushed, Yamada was so…. Sexy… and in control…. And arousing as hell…. Yuto obeyed, he took off the belt and started to undress Yamada. He slowly let his jeans slid along his muscular legs, only his tank top and boxer were still covering his perfectly shaped body. Yamada meant to take off his tank top but Yuto stopped him by catching his hands.

— I want you to keep it, it's….so sexy on you….

Yamada beamed, and Yuto dropped a kiss on his forehead. They settled in the middle of the big bed, caressing each other’s body, softly but needly, kissing, touching. They were taking their time, discovering the other, focussing on every small details they could notice. Ryosuke softly touched Yuto’s cheek then went down until reaching the tall man’s jeans and started to unbutton it with one hand. Yuto helped him get rid of the piece of clothes which was in the way. He was now only wearing his boxer and felt a little embarrassed. Yamada seemed to notice, he dropped a small kiss on Yuto’s lips and said in a low voice:

— You're perfect Yutti…

It was Yuto’s turn to beam and he kissed Yamada back, rolling on top of him. They had touched the other’s entire body… except for one specific part… Yamada felt he needed to initiate the next step. He started to rub Yuto’s arousal through the fabric of his boxer. Yuto let out a swear word and let his head down, not looking at Yamada. He started to moan as Yamada’s touch became more insistent. He aimed for Yamada’s underwear and started to do the same, but under the fabric, Yamada let out a long whine as he felt Yuto’s long-fingered hand slid under his underwear and aiming at his own arousal. It felt good and he had difficulties to continue taking care of Yuto at the same time. Yamada suddenly stopped and took his boxer off himself and then proceeded to do the same with Yuto’s. The tall man was taken aback by Yamada’s sudden decision but he let him do. Yuto was now completely naked, standing over Yamada who was only wearing his sexy tank top. 

— Do you have a… , Yamada glanced meaningly at Yuto’s arousal.

Yuto blinked, confused, then he understood, ah, condom, he aimed for the drawer of his nightstand. And took one from a little box, he kept it in his hand before giving Yamada an hesitant look. Of course Yuto had already done it with girls before… but it was the first time he was going to do it with a man, moreover, it was with Yamada… Yamada straightened up on his elbows and delivered a soft kiss on Yuto’s lips, then he pressed his forehead against Yuto’s and locked eyes with him:

— You’ll figure out how it works, don’t worry Yutti.

Yamada’s erotic voice was enough for Yuto to gain confidence. 

— You don't have lube? He added.

Yuto thought for a minute before shaking his head he hadn’t planned they would have gone this far.

— Then you'll have to be creative, Yamada said with a wink.

Yuto blushed, Yamada felt so much more confident than him, so much in control… but he was the one on top, so he had to do the job, Yuto put the condom away for the moment and began to lick one of his finger. Yamada bit his lower lip as Yuto was looking so erotic. Yuto approached his wet finger from Yamada’s bottom, and slowly put it in. The smaller man left out a long whine, hiding his mouth with one of his hands. Yuto waited for Yamada to relax before moving a little inside him. When he felt he was less tight, he inserted a second finger, as nicely as possible, Yamada left out a louder whine but Yuto recognised it as pleasure. He moved in and out several times before Ryosuke begged him for more. Yuto moved Yamada's hand away from his face with his free hand and started kissing him while putting a third finger inside. Yamada moaned in the kiss, and Yuto was finding it completely exciting. He deepened the kiss as he deepened his fingers. Making Yamada moaned louder, forcing him to break the kiss for a few seconds. 

— Come, I'm ready now… said Yamada between two kisses.

Yuto kissed him again while taking his fingers out gently. He put the condom on, placed himself in front of Yamada’s entrance. They locked eyes, Yamada nodding briefly to assure Yuto that he was ready to offer himself to him. Yuto leaned down to kiss Yamada as he pushed his way inside, as gently as possible. Yamada whined loudly before letting out a long sigh. Yuto moved his head away to make sure his boyfriend was alright. Yamada responded by moving his hips to let Yuto go deeper inside him, which made Yuto growled. He started to move slowly inside Ryosuke who was holding on to Yuto, his arms wrapped around his neck. After a few back and forth, as Yuto felt that Yamada was less tight, he almost went out before pushing in at once. Yamada closed his eyes and couldn't refrain from letting out a loud curse. Yuto stopped, maybe he had hurted him? Yamada was panting, he let his eyes close but whispered:

— Do it again…

Yuto caught Yamada’s face with one hand to kiss him while continuing to move inside him.

Both of them were close to climax when Yuto stopped moving, he looked into the smaller man’s eyes, seriously, he then started to move again slowly, approaching his face so that it was now a millimeter apart from Yamada’s and he whispered:

— I love you Yamada Ryosuke…

He caught his lips before Yamada could even answer and he felt him tighten around his cock. Yuto couldn't hold on anymore, he made a few more moves before coming. Feeling Yuto coming inside him made Yamada climaxed too, he spurred his white release all over his stomach, letting out a swear word as his body started quivering from pleasure. Both of them were panting, struggling to catch their breath. Yuto slowly withdrew himself from Yamada and let himself fall half over him. He turned over so that they were facing each other.

— That was so good…. Announced Yuto while quickly getting rid of the used condom.

Yamada laughed lowly. They stared at each other, savouring the overwhelming post orgasm sensations that were still going through their bodies. They exchanged few kisses, hugging each other. Yuto aimed for the blanket and covered them with it. Yamada gave a soft kiss to Yuto before cuddling him. He took a deep inspiration before saying in a whispery voice:

— I love you too Yuto Nakajima…

Even if he wasn't looking, he could feel Yuto was smiling. Yuto held on tighter to Ryosuke before answering:

— I'm sorry it took me so much time to realise it…

— Hmm.. it's ok, I told you I was here for you, I told you I would wait… and..., he looked up at Yuto, it was definitely worth the wait...

 

~The End~


End file.
